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Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not delusional, I’m just… long-term focused. Yes, my altcoin portfolio looks like a dumpster fire that’s been peed on by a bear market for five years straight, but guess what? I still haven’t sold. Why? Because I’ve got ten absolutely genius reasons for clinging to my 2018 shitcoin like it’s a golden ticket.
Let’s dive into my glorious coping mechanism in all its degenerate glory:
1. “It’s not a loss until you sell”
This one’s an oldie but a goodie. My portfolio might be redder than a lobster sunbathing in the Sahara, but as long as I don’t hit that sell button, I’m technically still in the game. In my delusional world, I haven’t lost anything—I’m just “temporarily down.” It’s called unrealized loss, Karen, look it up.
2. The devs are “still building”… somewhere
Sure, they haven’t posted on GitHub in two years, and the Telegram group has more spam bots than users. But I saw a blurry screenshot once of someone saying the devs are working “in stealth mode.” That’s good, right? Real projects don’t need marketing. They need mysterious silence and prolonged absence.
3. I’m emotionally attached now, okay?
I bought this coin at the top in 2018. I told my friends about it. I made memes. I even created a fake roadmap in Canva to cope. Selling now would be like throwing away my first heartbreak letter. I’m not just holding a coin — I’m holding my dignity together with bubble gum and hopium.
4. There’s a rumour it might pump again someday
I read it in a Discord server run by a guy named “CryptoJesus420.” He said a whale is accumulating, and I believe him because he had a Bored Ape profile pic. All I have to do is wait long enough and one magical day it’ll 100x, I just know it. Copium tastes like sweet dreams.
5. It’s on page 74 of CoinMarketCap — prime underdog position
Everyone’s looking at the top 100, but real alpha lives in the shadows. Page 74 is where coins go to hibernate, not die. And when the next bull run hits, this bad boy is going to skyrocket… after it climbs over 13,000 competitors and a few regulatory hurdles.
6. My altcoin once pumped 300% in an hour back in 2020
You had to be there. It was glorious. My portfolio tripled in a flash and I felt like Warren Buffett’s degenerate cousin. Then it nuked even harder, but who cares? That one moment lives rent-free in my head and gives me enough serotonin to hold for another five years.
7. It’s too late to sell now anyway
Let’s be real — if I sell now, I’d get enough to buy half a cheeseburger. That’s not worth the existential crisis I’d have to go through admitting defeat. Might as well hold it and embrace the sunk cost fallacy like the responsible adult I pretend to be.
8. There’s a rebrand coming. Probably. Maybe. I think?
The team hinted at a “big announcement” two Christmases ago. Then silence. But I just know they’re about to drop a shiny new logo, partner with Tesla, and launch a metaverse version of their whitepaper. I mean, it’s basically guaranteed… unless they’ve vanished into the blockchain.
9. Selling would mean admitting I f**ked up
Nope. Not happening. If I sell, it means I made a bad call, and my fragile ego can’t handle that. As long as I hold, there’s still hope. And hope is better than regret. Denial is just another form of portfolio strategy at this point.
10. I just love pain
Let’s be honest. If you’ve been in crypto this long, you’re not here just for the gains — you’re here for the emotions. I refresh my portfolio app like it’s a slot machine that only pays in tears. And weirdly enough, I’ve gotten used to it. Maybe I am the clown. 🤡
Related: What is Altcoin: Unveiling the World of Alternative Cryptocurrencies
Conclusion: Diamond Hands or Denial? Who Cares.
Look, I may be holding a literal altcoin bag of digital regret, but I’m not alone. Somewhere out there, thousands of other deluded degens are holding the same coin, telling themselves the exact same lies.
Is it stupid? Maybe. Is it hilarious? Absolutely. Will I ever sell? Not until this f**ker hits my break-even price of $14.28. It’s currently at $0.004. We’re close.
