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Ah yes, crypto — the Wild West of finance where dreams moon, rug pulls blossom, and every whitepaper reads like it was written during a mushroom trip. We’ve all seen it: a sleek website, a mysterious roadmap, buzzwords flying faster than a Solana outage, and boom — a few thousand degens ape in, hoping this will be the next DOGE. But here’s the inconvenient truth: most crypto projects are bullshit. Glorified PowerPoints in disguise. And the worst part? Some of them don’t even bother to hide it anymore.
So strap in. It’s time to roast the ecosystem we love (and sometimes hate), while separating real tech from polished turds. Because if we don’t talk about it, your grandma might buy into $RUG next time it trends on X.
The “Let’s Fix the World” Bullshit Pitch
Let’s start with the most common flavor of crypto crap: the “we’re revolutionizing XYZ industry” pitch.
“We’re building the first decentralized AI-powered healthcare-on-chain data marketplace protocol for underserved dog shelters in Southeast Asia.”
That sentence? 100% bullshit. But slap it on a website with a space-themed background, sprinkle in some low-poly 3D renders, and add a team of six anonymous devs with pixel avatars — and boom, you’ve got a presale.
These projects don’t want to fix the world. They want to drain your ETH. Their tokenomics look like this:
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40 % to the team
- 30 % to marketing
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30 % to advisors
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15 % to “liquidity”
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15 % to “community incentives” (i.e. bribing influencers)
The Web Design Industrial Complex
Ever noticed how every scammy project has a better website than actual working protocols?
That’s because it’s easier (and cheaper) to hire a Behance freelancer than build an actual blockchain product. So they spend 90% of their budget on branding and UI/UX, and 10% on a half-assed smart contract forked from SushiSwap.
You end up with:
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Parallax scrolling
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Gradient buttons
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A light/dark mode toggle (for “utility”)
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A landing page so polished it could launch a perfume brand
But if you dare open the GitHub? It’s a graveyard. Last commit? “Initial testnet deploy” — 8 months ago. The rest is smoke and mirrors.
Hype Cycles Are a Bullshit Magnet
Crypto loves a good narrative. One minute it’s AI coins. Then it’s LSD (liquid staking, not the good kind). Then meme coins. Then RWA. Every time a new buzzword enters the arena, a thousand bullshit projects crawl out of the sewer to ride the wave.
Want in on the AI meta? Just slap “AI” on your coin name — boom, $DOGEAI, $GPTSHIB, $NEURONPEPE. Suddenly it’s pumping on DexTools and your buddy is texting, “bro you in???”
These projects don’t have AI. They have a Telegram bot that spits out MidJourney memes and rugged wallets. But hey — they “move fast and break things,” right?
The Mystery Team with Zero Deliverables
Ah yes, the anonymous team. “Fully doxxed devs” used to be a badge of honor. Now? You’re lucky if you get a LinkedIn profile that isn’t AI-generated.
So many of these projects list a team of “visionaries” who:
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Don’t code
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Don’t manage
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Don’t show up after TGE
They all have “10+ years of blockchain experience” despite blockchain only being a thing since 2009. And if you search their names? Nothing. Nada. Just Medium posts written in ChatGPT.
Meanwhile, legit devs are too busy building to design cartoon frog PFPs and launch four-layer staking pyramids.
The Roadmap to Nowhere
Roadmaps in most crypto projects are like horoscopes. Vague enough to feel meaningful, but ultimately useless.
Q1: Launch community
Q2: Token presale
Q3: CEX listing
Q4: “Build”
Next year? Repeat with a new theme and a second token. Utility? Still nonexistent. Progress? Just enough to keep Telegram from mutiny.
Some roadmaps are so fake they literally have “Phase 3: TBD” listed. Like… bro, you didn’t even pretend to have a plan.
“Locked Liquidity” and Other Fancy Bullshit
When they say “we’ve locked liquidity,” they mean:
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“You can’t sell”
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“We’ve rugged, but politely”
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“We’re buying Lambos and you can’t stop us”
The buzzwords are never-ending:
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Deflationary (aka: nobody wants it)
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Hyperburning (aka: we can’t explain our tokenomics)
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DAO-governed (aka: we ignore every vote)
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Audited
They throw around words like utility, ecosystem, tokenomics, and decentralization — hoping you won’t ask: “What does your coin actually do?”
Spoiler: nothing. Except maybe fund airdrops to influencers who immediately dump on their followers.
The Meme Coin Circus
Let’s not lie to ourselves — meme coins are fun as hell. But even here, the bullshit runs deep.
A good meme coin leans into the joke, builds a real community, and entertains. But these days? We’ve got:
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200 “Pepe but sexy” tokens
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50 “Elon but anime” forks
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And an army of pump groups shilling coins made yesterday
Most of these coins launch, pump, rug, and vanish faster than your Tinder matches after seeing your crypto bag. It’s all liquidity in, liquidity out, and if you blink — you’re exit liquidity.
The Real Ones Look Boring
You know what working crypto projects have?
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Ugly UIs
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Clunky onboarding
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Boring-ass names
Because they’re actually building.
The real builders don’t need cartoon ducks, slot machine tokenomics, or sparkly Discord bots. They’re too busy shipping products. Their GitHub is alive, their whitepaper has math, and their team has faces. The marketing? Meh. But the tech? Legit.
So ironically, if you want to avoid bullshit — look for the ugly websites with no hype. That’s where the good stuff is hiding.
How to Spot Bullshit in the Wild
Here’s your quick-and-dirty bullshit detection kit:
✅ Is the GitHub active?
✅ Do the devs exist?
✅ Is there actual utility — or just staking loops?
✅ Are they overpromising with zero delivery?
If the answer is “no” to all of those — it’s probably bullshit. Sorry. Don’t be the guy who buys $YOLOINU at a $200M FDV based on a TikTok.
Final Thoughts: Bullshit Is a Feature, Not a Bug
The crypto space is full of grifters, hype merchants, and digital snake oil. But it’s also full of crazy builders, cypherpunks, and degens who genuinely care. You just have to dig through a pile of pixelated garbage to find them.
So next time a sexy landing page hits your feed promising “the first AI-driven GameFi NFT DAO Layer-2 launchpad on Solana” — take a breath. Close the tab. Read the docs. Check the GitHub.
Because chances are?
It’s just more bullshit.
